To strive, to seek, to find…

This story is incredible.

There is the innocent victim, a wee hammy called Georgie Porgie.

There is the blameless owner, Peter Pepper.

Then, there is the crack. “Probably.”

Okay, so it’s not entirely new news. PSquared told the Guardian this ol’ yarn back on 2nd Nov. Still, from a throwaway line can come many an online tabloidy tale!

So, what is the accusation?

Peter, Amy’s former session musician, said: “Georgie was a birthday present and we’d got him out to play with in the morning. I’d been to bed, but Amy had stayed up and there was still going strong and had drunk the drinks cabinet dry.

“The next thing I know, it bites me, runs off and Amy says she’ll catch it. I was a bit suspicious when she said she was good with hamsters.

Suspenseful! Okay then. Let us analyse his words:

1. “Former session musician” - grudge to bear? Band to promote? Let’s not get too suspicious yet.
2. “A birthday present” - are you an eight-year-old girl? Because when I was one, that’s what I got. You are aged somewhere between 19 and 24, sayeth the Guardian. So am I. You seem to still get small pets for birthday presents. You are weird (I am also slightly jealous). Also, as I know from personal experience, hammies are never in this life thing for the long-haul (oh Coco and Coco 2 how I miss you! How I wish I had cleaned the cage out more!). Best not to get too attached. The good and the cute die young.
3. “Drunk the drinks cabinet dry” - you alliterate like a badass. Peter Pepper Palladium anyone? This must mean massive mental problems.
4. “She was good with hamsters” - a bit suss? Dear Lord. Her beehive alone is a death trap for anything under 7 foot tall. She prob feeds it rodents all day long to keep it from swallowing her dear, good influence of a hubby. That and fish heads, presumably.

Let’s continue with the evidence.

“I went to put a plaster on my finger and by the time I came back Amy said she’d put it to bed and it was sleeping,” he explained.

But just hours later the hamster was stone cold and hard. I don’t know what she did to it - it was probably crack!”

(NME)

Let us have a moment for Georgie P.

So, did P to tha PP apprehend the suspect?

He added to Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper: “I’ve never directly accused her of killing my hamster as I’m too scared. She can be quite fierce.”

(Female First)

Right. Good luck with your new single: “Palladium’s single High 5 [was] released on Virgin on November 5.” Thanks again Guardian! Funny how, until today, you were pretty much the only source of info on Peter Pepper and his peck of pickled bandmates.

amy winehouse

House of Wine and wasted talent

The Wonder of a Pet Hamster