To strive, to seek, to find…

For some reason this post seems to attract the most special commenters:

Read on and weep laugh till you weep (here’s hoping anyway), after the jump…

First up, from the intriguingly-named Erossycuc:

You spot the good-looking Adonis at a friends cabal and fell bonce over heels in darling with him [oh yes we've all been there!]. But alas! Gorgeous girls have now surrounded him and he seems to be enjoying every bit of the interest showered on him by the members of fairer sex. Now what can you do? Will you leave the party midway with a broken heart? Hope I had a touching wand whose touch could kind him my man you utter these word
s to yourself [oh gosh, how many times have I uttered that to myself? SO MANY] This is, of course, a tricky situation. Turning a straight guy into gay is something next to ridiculous [in the dictionary?]. It for the most part depends on your luck. Still, our suggestions can definitely be of great helpIf he is an unknown guy, try to type bond with him. If he is at present your chum, then
type an shot to take your rapport to a developed level. Dont run after something irresolvable; instead opt for a more level-headed solution.After becoming fri
ends with him, you can ask him his feelings on various gay issues. Thus, you can get a, somehow, strong essence of his attitude towards gay nation. [mmmkay] If his reactions seem co
nfirmed, then you can ask him directly whether he has identical-sex preference [oh, the romance], or to be more scrupulous, whether he harbors sexual feelings for you [less: scrupulous; more: heading for a fall]. Take your time to come out. Let your camaraderie flower head leading [!?!?!?!]. If you exceedingly find him worth of you, then more things may wait for sometimes.

It’s just like the advice my mother gave me. Kind of. Or not.

Next up, rermompipaphy:

in any notwithstandingt, our suggestions can to be sure be of high-minded forbearIf he is an obscure guy, try to skedaddle sisterhood with him [that's always the first line of action, YES]. If he is already your playmate, then compose an travail to learn your sisterhood to a higher position. Dont run after something unrealizable; in lieu of opt for a more useful solution. After chic babys with him [huh?], you can ask him his opinions on divers gay issues. undisturbedt, you can get a, in some way, unequivocal il
lustration of his viewpoint nearing gay people. If his reactions earmarks of confirming, then you can ask him right away whether he has undisturbed so-sex prejudice, or to be more perfect, whether he harbors sex feelings for you [if this didn't work the last time, it's not going to work now].Take your however to appear out. Let your attachment blossom foremost. If you in the end on him advantage of you, then other things may intermission for someforthwiths. Earning his upon as a baby is crucial [this sounds BAD]. Dont reveal your warm desires and innermost feelings for him hast
ily. If he is a frank guy, he bequeath not ever let your attachment go, in bitchiness de of conspiratory that you are gay.Give him satisfactorily however and elbow-room to for be means ofout your sexity [my blog stats inform me that a lot of people find this blog through googling the term "sexity," so thanks, Incoherent Agony Aunt Commenter]. possibly, this is for the earliest however in his zing he has heard a man professing like for him. So, he on certainly beggary some however to get whollyout with the confusion. He can fifty-fifty bebe a question of merest much scared. on no account arm-twis
ting him to navigate use of in like with you [sounds like someone translating Shakespeare into Russian, then German, then back into English - sounds like FUN!]. in preference to, get closer to him gradually. Try not to bear sex arm-twistingfully with him by any means [oh, what an image - and what good advice too, verrrry sensible]. Too much of slightly ill faction can be experiencing inauspicious consequences. So, be careful.If you are booming in developing a clear-cut compact of sisterhood with him, then your operation of seducing him [v. evil lady counter-agent in Cold War era Bond] gets easier. at one go, your attachment reaches such a elevation that you two cannot persevere without each other, then attracting him sexly wont be that difficult. recall the tagline of the stunni
ng cowboy-flatter Brokeback Mountain that says be wild hither is a oblige of nature [O. M. G. SO. TRUE. I wish I knew how to quit this, but I must read on!! ]. The cinema depicts a intense and arosecond-hand like romance between two cowboys. One of them, admitting that undeviating, could not oversight himself from sink inwards joining in like with another man. The arm-twisting called like is so formidable that it can skedaddle one living soul convey use of in out of with any other single; somelingers notwithstanding the gender of the myself beappears inconsequential [okay, you're losing me now].Though you cannot drift a forthright guy gay [is drift a transitive verb now?], you can earn someone enlightened of his be realized sexity. As heterosexity is perceived to be typical in our mankind, numerous gay guys propagate up considering that they are undeviating, which they are in actuality not. In these situations, you can assist him to discfor his likings be means of your out of, high regard and power of seduct
ion. As per the Kinsey proportion of the Kinsey boom [ooh, backing it up with science, niice], sex orientations of singular people are divided into sundisturbed opens. ignoring heteroearthys [they're ALWAYS being forgotten] are labeled as 0 whereas the mob 6 is second-hand to declare trendy homosexs. So, if your guy has a higher bevy (say, 4 or 5), the prospect of making him aroin use accustomed to with your sex foreplay increases.Some undeviating people are fairly abnormal hither gay people and like to experiment.

I can’t believe I just went through all of that. Wow. I need an Easter egg, stat.

Ahh. That’s better.

For the record

This is what happens when you translate some lovely romantic Shakespeare into French, then German, then back to English:

O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name;
Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love
And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.

O Romeo, Romeo, thou Romeo D ‘ kind de wherefore? Denials you the father thy and reject the name thy; Or if thou wither themselves, are, but assermenté my love and are me no more Capulet.

I think I’ve figured out what’s been happening here.